Reviewed: February 2012
Released: 2011, Roma Music
I’m not quite sure what to think of this phenomena. Metal lullabies. Let’s face it, it’s not Metal and these types of albums are strictly for the amusement of the parents. The kid doesn’t care. My baby daughter has no idea what Metal is beyond the fact that it is the loud noise the hairy, smelly person plays when the nice, soft, quiet, food-giving person isn’t around.
It’s very clever marketing actually. Guys like me with a kid, who is of the age that lullabies are important, will buy this. If I’m standing at the children’s section of my local music store or at the bargain bin in my local big-box retailer, if I have to be seen in public buying something like that, at least it can have the word ‘Metallica’ on it. Buying a Metal lullaby CD will also serve a double purpose. It will help indoctrinate my kid into ‘the Metal way’ and I also raise my Metal cred points. While those other chumps are listening to Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, I’m rocking out ‘sort of’ to Twinkle, Twinkle, Little ROCK Star!
As a side note these three reviews (and albums) are virtually the same but I wanted to show the wide variety that TTRS provides to us hopeless, helpless fathers. There is a whole pile of them, Rock and Metal. You can spin any of these while you are driving around at 2:00am, coffee in hand, trying to stay awake while trying to get your screaming, drooling, teething brat to fall asleep. Been there. And the next day at work you can brag to your friends that you were out late last night, living the dream, cruising down the highway, having a drink, cranking some Metallica and you (technically) won’t be lying. There will be high-fives and back-slaps around the water-cooler as the co-workers all secretly wish they could be more like you.
So what does a Metal lullaby actually sound like? Well…quieter, a lot quieter. And slower. Much slower. And no guitars. Or drums. Sorry guys. Apparently the sound of electric guitars will keep your child up, despite the fact that for years I’ve fallen asleep listening to Metal. The key to this clever idea is to take the basic song structure of Metal songs and using a basic synth sample follow the pattern. Sometimes you can’t even really recognize the song…your ears are saying, “That sounds like an Enya ballad on valium.”, but your subconscious mind is thinking, “Wait…does that gentle xylophone solo sound like ‘”Master Of Puppets”? WTF? You\’ll be pleased to note that I didn\’t make the obvious and completely predictable joke about Metallica\’s lullaby, \’Enter Sandman\’, getting the lullaby treatment. You may insert you own witty joke here.
In the final analysis these albums are simple fun, easy…I mean really easy… listening. Buy a couple of these discs for a new Dad as a gag gift. He’ll secretly thank you later when the wife isn’t around. Well, I’m tired. I was listening to the album while writing this review. I’m gonna go have a nap.
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