Movie – The Thirteenth Warrior

Spread the metal:

Reviewed: September 1999
Released: 1999, na
Rating: 4.5/5
Reviewer: Nathan Robinson

Practically every movie nowadays seems to be ruined by one element or another. It could be unwarranted humor, an underlying unnecessary love story, an overdose of computer animation/graphics, or some little dumb-ass kid as a primary actor. Thus, I rarely go to see a movie in the theater. But when I saw a preview for The Thirteenth Warrior, it just looked too damn Metal to pass up!

Thankfully, none of the aforementioned bullshit appears in the movie. Just swords, fire, skulls, blood, armor, battles, long-haired metal-looking dudes, chain mail, clubs, sweat, battle horses, wooden ships, a wise-old haag, painted evil dudes wearing bear skins, an evil bitch wearing snakes, woods…I mean, how much more Metal can you get? I only have two complaints about the movie. One, it could have been longer. Why does almost every movie have to be 1 1/2 hours long? Whatever happened to 2-hour movies? There were lots of cool themes/ideas brought up in the movie that could have been expanded on. Two, the main actor, “the thirteen warrior” (whatever the hell the actor’s name is…(Antonio Banderas)), I could have done without. His role is pointless. I had a bad feeling that the other twelve dudes would die off and the thirteenth dumb-ass would save the day. Not so. Instead, a wounded Warrell Dane saves the day…or at least someone that looks like him.

Of course I don’t want to tell you any more about the movie, for fear of spoiling it. Just go and see it! Especially if you’re into power metal! Long live the medieval!


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