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Osbourne, Ozzy
Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy (Book Review)
January 2012
Released: 2011, n/a
Rating: 3.0/5
Reviewer: JP

Sharon Osbourne is the Gene Simmons of Ozzyworld. No money-making, publicity scheme is too far-fetched, to at least discuss! In fact, I’m surprised it took Sharon as long as it did to really start to gear up and market the Ozzy brand. The latest in a series of Ozzy projects (including books, CD’s, DVD’s, a film, a TV show, toys and so forth) is Ozzy’s latest book, TRUST ME, I’M DR. OZZY.

A few years back Ozzy (ie. Sharon likely) was approached by The Sunday Magazine (a British Publication), to write a health-related, advice column. The logic was he must be indestructible after all the years of abuse so let’s get him to talk about it. Frankly, I wouldn’t be shocked if it was Sharon that pitched the idea to the magazine. Either way, the concept is quite simple. People would write to Ozzy for advice and he would write a response. The column was a hit and now the advice column has been collected and compiled in a nice hardcover for our reading pleasure.

Oddly enough, Dr. John Osbourne looks amazingly healthy on the cover of this 300-page book. I’ll preface my comments on the actual contents of the book by saying I don’t have much of a sense of humour. I don’t watch sit-coms. I don’t go to comedy clubs or watch stand-up routines. I don’t watch comedy movies or buy Brian Posehn or Jim Florentine comedy albums or listen to Richard Christy radio stuff. However…I did find this book very funny. That in itself amused my wife because I would excitedly read her parts of TRUST ME, I’M DR. OZZY and collapse into laughter so she couldn’t understand what I was actually saying. I’m not saying I’m no fun to be around but I know my limitations and I’m not a comedy guy. Anyway, I found the book very funny.

The details are all very well done. The Introduction, the Disclaimer, the Important Safety Information, and the health quiz at the end of each chapter all tickled my funny bone, or my ulnar nerve for all you health professionals out there. Ozzy gives advice on life, love, sex, drugs relationships and more. At times the questions are so far fetched that I had a hard time believing that they were contrived as to set up a punch-line from the clown. For example on p. 89, ‘Phil’ from Essex asks, ‘I crushed my finger between two heavy steel pipes; now it’s swollen and black. Do you think it’s broken?” What sane person would experience that and a) not go to a doctor and b) write to Ozzy for advice? There are many examples of this in the book. The other distinct possibility is that people just made up these crazy questions in an attempt to solicit a response from the good doctor and see their name in print. 15 minutes of fame and all that.

For long time Ozzy fans they may have recognized then Ozzy isn’t playing a bumbling fool for the MTV he is actually quite funny; the dry British wit we hear so much about. The section about his experience getting his DNA mapped was very interesting. I’m sure one day the technology will be in place so that it is affordable for all citizens to get it done. Some of his advice while amusing is quite pragmatic. Get help. See a doctor. Stop doing stupid things and so forth. Get regular checkups. Early detection saved Sharon from cancer and consequently Ozzy champions screening and regular check-ups, which all joking aside, is pretty reasonable advice, especially from a rockstar with a self-destructive streak. If Dio had listened to Dr. Ozzy, he might still be with us today.

TRUST ME, I’M DR. OZZY is an amusing diversion, fun to dip into while in the loo or while waiting in your GP’s waiting room to make your appointment for a cancer screening. To summarize, I suppose Dr. Ozzy said it best in his section of Important Safety Information. “Do not use Dr. Ozzy if you suffer from medical conditions, ailments or other health concerns, as this may cause sudden and unsafe death or death-like symptoms.”
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