Released: 2009, Cobra Records
Reviewer: Luxi Lahtinen
So, what the heck in hell is this Opium Warlords? Now follow me carefully as the following description about them is nowhere near to be considered easy at all. In fact, Opium Warlords has been described in their own Myspace site by the following ´you-will-not-ever-get-it´ descriptions: "Psycho-sexual breakdown, soft rock band playing an involuntary gig in Dachau, Klaus Kinski making love with Hedi Lamar, a sterno-head hobo vomiting bile in the eye of a cheerleader, Quentin Crisp's favourite heavy metal band, black matter oozing from the Mariana Trench, Arvo Pärt's "Gnostic Mass" performed at Dulce base, self-made black magician next door singing a lullaby through your wall, an astronaut masturbating with the hand of glory, gothic vampire shit, Carl Panzram's primal scream, a coffee break in a mental institution, Tex Willer and Kit Carson raping a ghost, blood dripping on the floor of a jail in Pasila police station, Josef Fritzl trying to be funny in the court room, a rendezvous with Satan, Kisu Jernström on glue, a Bolivian doom metal band learning a riff and even something "special"."
Are you still with them? Well, worry not. Me either. Anyway, Opium Warlords is basically a new project of Sami Albert Hynninen (Reverend Bizarre, Spiritus Mortis, The Puritan - and so on, fame), and – even if we are talking about some awfully bizarre and weird shit here, I actually would call this stuff as funeral doom metal as that is really the closest (even if probably not even the best one) description about Opium Warlord´s stuff on their debut album, LIVE AT COLONIA DIGNIDAD. But then again, there´s just much more involved with Opium Warlords than this funeral doom thing. There´s all kinds of stuff thrown into the vast altar of this fuckin´ weird release content-wise; bits from black metal, psychedelic rock, etc. - even some pop music and whatever fucked-up spacey/ambient/necro-pervert frustrations hacked deep down into this material (and there´s over 75-minutes of it on the record!). Trying to listen to all this surely takes some nerves - and sometimes it is not even enough. As a matter of speaking, there´s nothing easy on LIVE AT COLONIA DIGNIDAD - except probably "Suck My Spear, Servant of Satan" that is a simple and just beautiful yet eerie interaction between bass and guitar, and then "Let It Pour, Let It Pour" - lasting over 14 goddammit minutes, which kinda offers a listener a razorblade for free so that he/she could cut his/her wrists by his/her own free will. Suicidal music, perhaps? Just talk about it...
In all honesty, this stuff tends probably be a teeny-weeny too depressive, suicidal-influenced and pseudo-intellectual for a simple mind like I am. Sure thing, its artistic values cannot be ignored, as it surely has lots of that absorbed inside. But there´s just nerve-wreckingly too much of everything that overly artistic sonic occultism on this record that it tends to drive you insane and mentally disordered - on some level at least.
As an ending fact, it also needs to be revealed that Opium Warlord was managed to keep in the shadows ´til their main base and home, Cobra Records, made an announcement about - may I say, Albert´s ´new coming´.
Nevertheless, this album needs to be heard in order to be believed what is truly all about. But I warm you politely in advance it will not be an easy journey. Actually far from that. Albert is a fuckin´ genius or just insane - you decide it now!