Released: 2000, Motley/Beyond
How can I do this to the Crue? Ever since grade school, these guys have been there for me and now I must turn my back on them. I'm sorry guys.
Here it goes...I will be very blunt, this album sucks from pathetic start to semi-conscious finish. I wasn't too impressed with "Hell on High Heels" to begin with. The local radio stations have been playing "High Heels" for weeks and I kept waiting for it to hit me. It didn't. Why? Cause the song, like the album, is complete shit!
Where do the problems lie? For starters, Nikki's lyrics are cheesy in an annoying kind of way. Usually I don't care about lyrics and "let the music do the talking." However, with these grade school level riffs and melodies, the lyrics are exposed for all to hear via Vince's nasal delivery. The lyrics are dumb, yes, but that's not the problem. The Crue have traditionally had dumb lyrics and that's part of their charm. It just seems like Nikki is trying too hard to show us the seedy side of Hollywood and Vine this time. O.K. Nikki, I get it, Hollywood is a crazy, crazy place and the Crue is a friend to the the prostitutes, porn stars, pimps and drug addicts. I don't know, maybe now that the Crue aren't smacked out of their minds, the lyrics are more than a little contrived. I don't buy the picture they're trying to paint. Not that the Crue ever gave us a realistic portrait of life on the strip (we had Guns 'N Roses for that trip), it's just that I cannot detect any semblance of honesty on any track here. It's more like they're trying too hard to be Motley Crue, instead of just being "the Crue."
The production on New Tattoo is overdone. Vince said that this thing was gonna be a cross between Dr. Feelgood and Shout at the Devil (ya right!). First off, Dr. Feelgood was overproduced, but the songs were geared for it. This album has none of the, dare I say, complexity that Feelgood had. Feelgood was full of original rockers with punch, hooks AND was produced by the king of overproduction, Bob Rock. Rock makes a living by overproducing bands: his production style is either bringing out the "over the top" tendencies a band (like the Crue) has seething under the surface OR putting a protective wax coating over a sound that needs to be raw and exposed (like Metallica). But this is Mike Clink of Appetite for Destruction fame. Appetite this ain't. This is overproduced crap (did I say that already?). And as for Shout at the Devil, please...
The Crue needs Tommy Lee. There, I said it. I know, I know, the guy is rappin' now and that certainly sucks, but THE CRUE IS VINCE, NIKKI, MICK AND TOMMY. The Crue without T-bone is like Kiss without the face paint. I can't listen to Kiss and really enjoy it without thinking of them (the original four) with the face paint on. Without Tommy, the Crue lose their "face paint," so to speak. 'Cause the Crue is not only about the music, they are about the perfect blend of those four personalities. We didn't fall in love with the Crue with Randy Castillo anymore than we fell in love with the Crue with John Corabi. It just doesn't gel. Not that Randy is bad, in fact he's quite good. The only problem he has is that he isn't Tommy and there isn't a damn thing he can do about it. Vince, Nikki and Mick, however, can do something. They can go beg Tommy to drop the rap bullshit and come back. I have a strong feeling that Tommy will be back to bangin' that cowbell again someday. But, until then, I temporarily withdraw my membership from the S.I.N. club.
Here is a quick overview:
New Tattoo: The Crue RIP OFF Faster Pussycat, Poison and a bunch of other bands who wrote the same exact same song in the late 80's.
Dragstrip Superstar: They RIP OFF themselves with a "Girls, Girls, Girls" style opening. Varoom!
Punched in the Teeth by Love: Vince RIPS OFF Axl's classic opening Screech on "Welcome to the Jungle."
Hollywood Ending: They RIP OFF that stupid Radiohead song, "I'm a Creep" (or whatever it's called).
Fake: They RIP OFF themselves, yet again, with a "Shout at the Devil" style chant (Fake!).
Porno Star: They RIP OFF the Sex Pistols. Starts out like "Anarchy in
the UK" and then gets even dumber.
White Punks on Dope: They RIP OFF the Tubes. Pretty good song. Too bad it's not theirs!
Not only did the Crue rip themselves off, they ripped the fans off! There are two different versions of New Tattoo and in order to get ALL OF THE SONGS you need to buy TWO CD's! Does this remind you of their bullshit greatest hits package a few years back. You know, the one with two new studio tracks, plus all of the hits found on their OTHER greatest hits package, Decade of Decadence! We didn't need another freakin' greatest hits, what we needed was another studio album and those two tracks could of been on it! Why is Nikki so concerned with Metallica's questionable motives? He needs to turn that spotlight on his own damn self! I resold this album today and, after paying nearly 15 bucks for it, I received only 3 lousy dollars back. Shit, man, for the first time ever THE CRUE RIPPED ME OFF!