Released: 2003, Century Media
Reviewer: Night of the Realm
Jesus fucking monkey piss on a spork. What the hell did I do to deserve such an awful album?! As the first notes hit me after putting in the debut album by these British bags of puke, I had though Boston’s December Wolves (see my review of BLASTERPIECE THEATRE in the archives) had relocated and changed their name.
RUINING IT FOR EVERYONE does precisely what it’s title suggests, though, surprisingly, there are actually a few decent moments on the album, namely “Rest Among the Silt,” and “Phuelled by Farmaceuticals,” which at least have some decent death metal buried within the noise.
With the exception of the aforementioned songs, the majority of the album is indicative of the latest trendwhoring that pawns off unfocused fabricated aggression combined with a structureless and cacophonous racket as some sort of New-Wave-of-Uncompromosing-Brutalicous-Innovative-Brilliant-You’ve-Never-Heard-Anything-This-Extreme movement. And shit like this is supposed to be a new revolution in metal?
Fah! I’ve heard it a hundred times. I’ve seen the hundreds of press releases claiming a band to, “push the limits of what is sonically imaginable.” It’s all the same; it’s all a trend. I swear, the latest Helloween clone, or (Insert Generic Death Metal Band Here), or, hell, even The Haunted/Forsaken/187/Crown/Forge#3296 has more worth than this. Why? Because they at least make an attempt at a catchy tune, or even a discernable (though potentially marginally listenable) structure.
Why don’t I give you an idea for your next album?
Let’s take my damned redneck neighbour’s “shootin’ car,” put a couple of racoons in it, and roll it downhill whie he takes his target practice at the vehicle, which is now pursued by his seventeen coon-hounds. That should provide enough din to keep ya happy. Next, throw all of your instruments in a trash can and roll that down the hill. Then, break it into ten tracks or so, giving each segment titles like, “Brian is Gay,” “Defecation 3:16,” and “Carl’s Mom is a Whore.” Finally, mix in various samples stolen from random horror movies to round out the noise.
There, that solves your problem for Labrat v.2.0 – THE BRUTALITY OF NOTHING, due out in 6 weeks by Century GREEDia, and solves my problem of the redneck neighbour and his hounds.
In the meantime, I would like a handwritten note of apology, signed by all the members of your band, delivered to me by a grovelling label representative that begs my forgiveness for being subject to this torture.