Carpathian Forest
Fuck You All!!!!

October 2006
Released: 2006, Season Of Mist
Rating: 4.0/5
Reviewer: Gabriel C. Zolman

I’m not sure why this required four exclamation points-—it would seem something like that would detract from its overall “tr00 kvlt” -grimness; but there is no denying the sentiment. Black Metal—with its militant ideology, scene evolution, and sonic aesthetics—is the true Hardcore of its day, and nowhere is this more evident than in the discography of bands like Darkthrone, Gorgoroth, and Carpathian Forest (sort of the "Willie, Waylon, & Coe" of Black Metal, really).

The Hardcore/Punk aesthetic rings true (or “tr00”) from the opening cut—almost despite the semi-drunken plod the track seems to fall into halfway through, and peaks like a pervert in your bedroom on speedy, codpieced churchburners like “Start Up The Incinerator (Here Comes Another Fool),” and “Submit To Satan!!!” If there is any doubt left in your grim and frostbitten heart that Black Metal is the new Black Flag, this should quell it. Hell, “…Incinerator” even throws in some DRI and Cryptic Slaughter-style crossover riffs…it’s all a matter of perspective, really. “Submit…” thrashes along similarly, with some 80’s-style speed metal riffing as a launch point. Even the last track (the charmingly-titled “Shut Up, There Is No Excuse To Live…”) bulges with punkish abandon. Really…facepaint = 80’s Mohawks here.

“The Frostbitten Woodlands Of Norway” is about what you’d expect from a song with that title. I mean really…what did you expect? Cradle Of Filth this ain’t, and really, the world is a better place for it… The cantankerous, groove-ladden “Everyday I Must Suffer!” frolics like a dope-smoking Southern Lord band, and yet I can’t say I dislike it—the old school fans will probably be mortified, though. “The First Cut Is Deepest” has some weird thumping bass lines and odd sound effects that might also turn some underground-loving stomachs; but really…did you all really want a record just like the last four?

Oh wait…yeah, you probably did.

Highlights: “Submit To Satan!!!”, “Everyday I Must Suffer,” “Evil Egocentrical Existentialism.”