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The Drunken Masters
May 2005
Released: 2005, Peace or Die Records
Rating: 1.5/5
Reviewer: Waspman

Croatan are a noise punk/metal duo out of Cincinnati Ohio who’ve taken their name from a local legend around their parts about a British colony that disappeared, leaving behind only the word “Croatan” carved on a tree – very cool and definitely original!

Unfortunately, the group’s music does not even come close to matching the coolness of their name. Mixing crust punk, hard rock, metal, and a little bit of sludgy doom, the Croatan sound is quite a mixed bag. The problem lies in the fact that neither Jenny nor Mark are good songwriters. Some tracks begin with promising riffs (“Pissing Contest” for example) and then degenerate into nonsensical noise and screaming. Don’t get me wrong here, I like screaming and blasting just as much as the next guy, but it helps if it has a point.

Another major problem with THE DRUNKEN MASTERS is Jenny’s voice. Sure, she’s no Tarja Turunen, but she damn sure isn’t trying to be. Instead, she goes for a more snot-nosed punk style that just comes off as powerless and/or annoying depending on the song.

To be honest, even if I gave this album a glowing review, I don’t think there would be too many Metal Rules readers who would dig this stuff. It’s not particularly heavy, and the punk affectations are probably too strong for most metalheads to enjoy. No worries though, because this is fairly boring album anyway.
Track Listing

1) Evil Incarnate
2) Four Letter Word for Hypocrite
3) Pissing Contest
4) Plague
5) Bathroom Betty
6) The Cider House Rules!
7) Survival of the Most Annoying
8) Double-Click Your Face
9) Robo-Grimace
10) Showdown: Pale Ale vs. the Scorpion
11) Circle of Greed
12) The Legend of the Drunken Masters


Jenny: Guitars and vocals
Mark: Drums

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» The Drunken Masters
by Waspman

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