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3 Bar Ranch
Cattle Callin
October 2011
Released: 2011, Hank3 Records
Rating: 3.0/5
Reviewer: Robert Williams

3 Bar Ranch is just one of four newly released full lengths from Hank3 (Or Hank Williams Jr. III) on his newly founded Hank3 Records. CATTLE CALLIN is essentially speed metal with live cattle auctioneering in place of vocals in what has recently been dubbed as "Cattle Core".

CATTLE CALLIN opens with the methamphetamine induced "Black Cow" which greets the listener with a barrage of the aforementioned cattle auctioneering over sneering buzzsaw guitars and spastik and explosive percussion. "Now There's A Bull" follows suit with more motormouthed cattle calling backdropped against some particularly lethargic and sludgy riffery. "Heffers" mixes things up a bit with some electro Ministry inspired vocals thrown in for good measure amongst the auctioneering. "Branded" musically recalls nineties era Obituary with it's simple yet effective delivery, but that is where the comparisons to death metal begin and end as vocally we get more of the same "Hee-Haw Dandy On Speed" routine.

If you've made it this far into the album you'll note that "Countin Cows" is another track to feature industrialized vocals similar to RevCo or Skatenigs. This is a weird track that goes nowhere musically and plods along only long enough for the listener to find the closest sharp object to forcefully jab into their eardrums. "Mad Cow" welcomes the return of the mad auctioneer and musically conjures Scandinavian black metal aesthetics.

This is one for the books people. Without a doubt one of the most whacked out novelty records that I've heard in quite some time. God help us all if cattle core catches on as a legitimate genre. Though I'm not absolutely certain, I have a sneaking suspicion that repeated listens of CATTLE CALLIN will turn your brains into scrambled eggs and cause your teeth to rot and fall out of your face. Proceed with caution.
Track Listing

1. Tim Dowler - Black Cow
2. Joe Goggins - Now There’s A Bull
3. Dan Clark - 37 Heffers
4. Tim Dowler - Mad Cow
5. Mitch Jordan – Branded
6. Tim Dowler - Square Bailor
7. Jason Miller - Cuttin Hay
8. Mitch Jordan - Y Bar Ranch
9. Countin Cows
10. Mad Cow
11. Dominic Herrera - Lot 53
12. Hugh Howell - Cow Sold
13. Hugh Howell & Eddie Cope - Cow Mortal
14. Gwynn Howell - Bull Balls
15. Hugh Howell - Heavy Cattle
16. Y Bar Ranch
17. Black Cow
18. Eddie Cope – Longhorn
19. Square Bailor
20. Moo You
21. Tim Dowler - Angus of Death
22. Jason Miller - Cattle Callin Lonesome Blues
23. Branded



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by Robert Williams

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